how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
