When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
