Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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