thus making me awesome and them whores
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
