Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
