I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
