Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
