Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
