Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your cock deserves a montage
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
