I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
