Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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