I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
