Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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