Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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