I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
