I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
