So drunk its hurt
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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