I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
