just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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