did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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