is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
