I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
