if i can run in heels then i can drive
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
