Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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