he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize