Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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