Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
