you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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