I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why do cheetos always look like penises
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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