Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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