Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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