True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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