If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
