And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
