it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
