do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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