He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize