its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
