What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
