You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I deserve this hangover.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
