he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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