why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize