I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
