you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
