I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
