I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
