Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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