Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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