When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
