You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
