sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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