so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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