I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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