So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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