I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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