You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize