Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
