last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just cropdusted the office
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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