I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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