You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
