So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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