I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
