Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
